Does Getting Married Kill Your Sex Life?

Clarification note: One of the biggest shocks and disappointments of my years of Singles ministry is that “so many” of our church singles are sexually active…..a shame…………

“It was the night before my wedding and “out of tradition” I didn’t sleep with my husband to be that night………….what if it was “our last chance ” for “mind blowing sex”?   —-AND—  in the twenty years of dating I realized that sex was never as good as in the early days of a relationship…………..those relationships were disposable….

What does this have to do with being a Christian you ask. As a “good” Christian single, I felt I certainly had a responsibility to God and myself (not to mention to my date) to be (gasp!) celibate……..And now as a married man, I have to question why “church people” seem to have more problems with sex than those in the world. Of course, we know the Bible tells us if we can’t control our desires, we should marry AND that it is our responsibility to meet the sexual needs of our mate (1 Corinth. 7)…. Many of us burn with desire when we are single and are thankful to have sex but then what? Have you ever read the Song of Solomon? Most believers have not read it or spent much time there. Do you feel uncomfortable that God would share intimacy or romance with a believer? Were you not aware that physical intimacy is a gift from above? Think about how special it must have been for Adam and Eve in the garden?

(Ahem) Back to the issue… So many of the church’s unmarried members are physically involved. Many are living together. Many are already parents. So, what gives?

Then, so many marry and lose interest in one another. Wives often say “nice girls just don’t do that” or “mommies don’t dress like that”. Husbands decide it’s too much work to please their wife or to go on a “date” with her.

What is wrong with us? Honestly, we have it backwards. We should anticipate before marriage and enjoy after! Until we get old! There is so much SIN in a marriage without passion and intimacy.

Your family is your first mission field. Take care of your spouse, then your children…..Did you get the order of that? Take care of your spouse and THEN your children……




Move to Marriage!

Things have changed! In the last 50 years marriage has went from the absolute normal relationship choice to the minority. Instead of Mom and Pop marrying young and growing old together, Mom and Pop have a less than 50% chance to stay married (or even to marry). In today’s culture, Mom may live on the east side of town and Dad is nowhere to be found. Usually, some affection is involved but at times it seems that procreation is the result of mindless recreation and an anonymous (silent, absent) sperm donor is needed. Years ago, Gloria Steinam and the woman’s movement told women that you have the right to own your own house and car, work and raise your own kids! So true! And what were men good for? Anonymous Sex? Child support (don’t get your hopes up, only 1/3 of fathers pay it)?

People are not into marriage like in the past. The average couple lives together for a few years and becomes financially stable or finishes their education before marriage. Many divorce after a short time (which can be a legal and financial nightmare). Some have ”starter marriages” which are expected to fail. Terms like “…………..” abound. More women are having babies alone (40% is a  conservative estimate!) and ultimately are responsible for the entire parenting of the child.

So, who cares? It’s the woman’s body and her business. It’s her children and her responsibility.

Here is the problem. It isn’t working. Many single parents do a great job raising their children and yet statistics show an increase in depression, delinquency and teenage pregnancy. More children from single parent homes suffer from anxiety and low self esteem. There is a correlation between being fatherless and fear of commitment and marriage. More chance for addictive behavior, involvement with pornography, sexual activity and criminal involvement.

     Appalling isn’t it? Sorry smokers, you aren’t the worst of the sinners. Just had the easiest picture to upload.

What is the solution? How about a steady and deliberate move toward marriage? Teach our children to “court” instead of (wham bam) “dating”. Hold hands. Be content spending time with friends. Practice love with and on God. More youth group time. More prayer. More meditation. More fellowship.

Ok! That’s great for the kids. What about us grown ups? You know, the single parents you just blasted? Hey! How about the same rules? Plus, develop relationships that lead to marriage and commitment. Change the plan from sex and romance when you are dating to after you marry! Why not? We have centuries old wisdom that supports you. Do you like raising children along? No. Then don’t do that. Do you like paying your bills alone? Disciplining your child alone? Sitting in church alone? No! Well, God has a plan.

Move to Marriage… God intended.

Therefore, since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.

2 Corinthians 7:1NIV