The Myth of the Soul Mate………..


The notion of “soul mates” has been around a very, very long time.

However, there are several viewpoints as to how to describe “soul mates” … even on how to spell it! Some people spell the term as a whole word, soulmate and others, including us, prefer to keep it as two words, soul mate.

Soul Mate Descriptions

  • General Belief: Many people believe that soul mates can accept and love every part of the other’s personality and that life with a soul mate is easy and natural.
  • Our Belief: We don’t believe a soul mate is the “ideal or one and only person” in someone’s life. Our definition of soul mates is individuals who both want their marriage to be a great one. Their marriage relationship feels like a natural fit. Although they, like all married couples, need to put a priority on their marriage, it is not hard to do because they have a sense of being at ease and connected with one another.

Soul Mate Challenges

If you believe in the myth of only one soul mate for each person, you may assume that a partnership of two soul mates should be able to handle challenging times easily. That may not always be the case.

Just because you are in tune to one another, each of you are willing to take responsibility for your role in contributing to the conflict, and are both committed to making the marriage a successful one — your marriage can still fall apart if other essentials such as love, respect, and communication are missing.

If you start looking for perfection in your spouse, or think that everything in your relationship should immediately click, and that there won’t be any problems, you are setting yourself up for a dose of heavy disillusionment.

Another danger in believing in the concept of soul mates is taking your marriage relationship for granted.

There can be temptation to bail out of an unhappy marriage if you think your spouse isn’t your soul mate. If you think that marriage to your soul mate will mean a life free from hard times and conflict, you are not facing reality.

If you think you’ve not married your soul mate, don’t just walk away from the relationship for that reason alone. Spend some time getting to know yourself a bit better first. You can’t find your perceived soul mate if you haven’t found yourself first.

More Soul Mate Descriptions

  • Reincarnation: Some believe that a soul mate is someone with whom a person has shared other life times through reincarnation. The soul mate could be a friend, business partner, parent, child, sibling, spouse or other family member. These soul mates can be of the same or opposite sex.
  • Other Half: Others believe, like the ancient Greek philosopher Plato, that a soul mate is a person’s “other half”. This concept was the basis of the movie, The Butcher’s Wife where the idea of “split-aparts” searching for one another was explored. People all over the world believe that we are all searching for someone to make us whole and to share our journey of life with.
  • A dictionary definition is: “One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity. Someone for whom you have a deep affinity. A person temperamentally suited to another.”
  • Predestination: The movie Still Breathing examines the thought that people are drawn together as soul mates by destiny or fate and that being with our soul mate is something we have no control over. This idea of predestination and connection even after death between soul mates was also examined in the movie What Dreams May Come.
  • Making Life Come to Life: Richard Bach described soul mates as “A soulmate is someone who has the locks to fit our keys, and the keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we; we can be loved for who we are and for who we’re pretending to be. Each of us unveils the best part of one another. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person were safe in our paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life. “
  • Profound Connection: Thomas Moore, in his book Soul Mates: Honoring the Mysteries of Love and Relationship, page xvii, describes a soul mate as “someone to whom we feel profoundly connected, as though the communication and communing that take place between us were not the product of intentional efforts, but rather a divine grace. This kind of relationship is so important to the soul that many have said there is nothing more precious in life.”
  • Not Having Everything in Common: Anna Quindlen wrote “The term ‘soul mate’ — which, I’m proud to say, I have never once used until now — suggests two people who have everything in common. But our gender, with all the differences it implies, divides us. That has its advantages …”
    Source: Anna Quindlen. Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake: A Memoir. 2012. pg. 21

5 responses to “The Myth of the Soul Mate………..

  1. I personally like the dictionary definition. You can’t expect one person, especially one of the opposite sex, to fulfill everything for you. Also, just a thought…my parents NEVER fought. When I say never, I mean NEVER. Not, never just around my sister and I, no NEVER. They just don’t. They honestly hardly ever even disagree about anything. I think it’s mostly their personalities. They’re both only children and they are just not fighters. They don’t get mad. They don’t hold grudges. They don’t take things personal. They DO allow each other to be themselves. She doesn’t try to change him, he doesn’t try to change her. They accept each other for the way they are and love the other unconditionally. So, it sounds all good…until I got married. The first fight we had, I knew we were doomed for divorce. I had no idea how to handle a fight! It was awful. I wasn’t used to it. I didn’t think it was normal. And, 12 years later, we divorced. One last thing, I had a conversation w my 16 year old son the other day about praying about every decision we make. He has a “friend” who lives 8 hours away (I’m totally loving that!) They’re in love…via text messaging…uggg. So they’ve decided they’re going to go to Tech together, in 2 years. I asked him if he’d prayed about it. “Oh….well, no.” He explained to me that it wasn’t just because of her that he decided to go there. He says he’s wanted to go there for years. I explained to him (and maybe I’m way off here) that I feel like its a MAJOR decision in his life right now. In my life, I didn’t pray about where to go to school, I just went where I wanted to. Maybe God had a different plan for me. Maybe my “soul mate” was somewhere else and I just went where I wanted to. I think had I placed God as a priority and talked to Him about it, my life would be totally different than it is now. Sorry that was so long. Just some thoughts. Thanks for sharing your article with me! Lots to think about.

  2. It seems that the Bible instructs marriage to meet physiological needs. 1 Corinth. 7 tells us ” better to marry than to burn with passion” and Genesis 3 says it “is not good for man to be alone”. I see UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS to be the biggest problem in relationships. Men have to be dashing, romantic and understanding like the men in a romance novel. Women have to be models and cover girls. Be realistic. Few of us meet those standards nor should we expect them from others.

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