Archive for February, 2014

Divorce Recovery Notes Week 6

Posted in Uncategorized on February 21, 2014 by xybatt

How do you make heads or tails of the confusion and conflicting opinions about how GOD views divorce?

 

What does the BIBLE say?

 

What is marriage?

  1. God’s idea
  2. covenant (contract) relationship
  3. permanent relationship
  4. a symbol

 

Unbiblical Grounds for divorce

incompatability- honestly, isn’t every couple incompatable? After all, John Gray said “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus 

 

  1. “we don’t love each other anymore” – moods and feelings could vary day to day….
  2. “it is better for the kids” STATISTICS say…”that is not true”
  3. “Somebody told me that since I was married before that this isn’t a legitimate marriage and I can leave”   Two wrongs don’t make a right!

 

Biblical Grounds for Divorce

  1. Immorality – specifically sexual intimacy with another with another
  2. Abandonment by the non- Christian spouse – not difference of opinion

 

How do I know what to do?

  1. Prayer…..Meditate….Fasting
  2. Bible Study- you must study in context
  3. The Holy Spirit….counselor
  4. Get wise counsel- involve your church leaders and Christian counselors
  5. SEEK reconciliation FIRST. Honestly, there is a lot of history with your spouse. Can you forgive them or accept forgiveness from them? Are you looking to “find better”?

 

“The decrees of the LORD are firm and all of them are righteous. They are more precious than gold….in keeping them there is much reward”

 

IF you worry that your situation is unmanageable, know that GOD can handle it. Put serving HIM first and all these other things will be taken care of…..

 

Game Plan: Stay married if possible! If your spouse has sinned (sexually or other sins that cannot be lived with) and will not change, you will probably get divorced. If you are the “cause’ of the divorce by sin remember that GOD can forgive you. If you are content to serve GOD and live single (celebate, alone) that is good. If desire overwhelms you and sin is a problem, you may marry to remove this temptation. But be faithful. DON’T make the same mistakes again.

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Divorce Recovery Weeks #4 and #5 Notes

Posted in Uncategorized on February 14, 2014 by xybatt

Divorce Notes Week 4

FACING MY DEPRESSION

Depression often is manifested as a deep sadness

 

What is depression?

  1. our response to loss
  2. It is normal
  3. It is a healing emotion
  4. It is complex

 

Symptoms of depression

  1. Sadness
  2. Apathy
  3. Desire to isolate
  4. Mental fog
  5. Lack of energy
  6. Suicidal thoughts

 

Causes

  1. Hope deferred
  2. Anger
  3. Feeling worthless

 

Overcoming Depression

  1. Take care of your body (use of antidepressants and counseling may

be  appropriate.

  1. Get/accept help from others
  2. Control your thinking/ meditation can be helpful
  3. Discover the Bible/ Read scripture

GOD’s Message to You: “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned: struck down but not destroyed.” 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

 

 

 

 

 

Divorce Notes Week 5

FACING MY LONELINESS

It is almost impossible to explain how devastating the loneliness of divorce is……….

 

What is loneliness?                ….Nobody Understands

Rejection by the Ex                ….Traded in?

Rejection by family and friends   …you aren’t family anymore!

Isolation                                      …safer to suffer alone

 

Poor responses

  1. Self medication
  2. Promiscuity
  3. New Relationship
  4. Overdependence

 

Dealing with loneliness

  1. Being single isn’t that bad
  2. Learn from it (what could I have done better?)
  3. Make new (safe) friends
  4. Allow others to be helpful
  5. It takes humility (don’t be self absorbed)
  6. Serve others (easy to find someone else who is also in pain)
  7. Reach out to and learn to know GOD

 

GOD’s Message to You: “ The LORD is near. Don’t be anxious about anything, but in every situation by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to GOD. And the peace of GOD which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Phillippians 4:5-7

Divorce Recovery #2 and #3

Posted in Uncategorized on February 5, 2014 by xybatt

WEEK 2- Divorce Recovery

 

You may ask “HOW LONG WILL I LIVE WITH THIS PAIN?”

 

  1. Will I  Ever be Happy Again?
  2. I Can’t Stand This!
  3. Where do I Go From Here?
  4. I feel literally TORN from my spouse, my dreams, my life….

 

Grieving Your Marriage

 

  1. Don’t avoid it
  2. Don’t rush yourself
  3. Take a personal inventory
  4. Take care of your body

Roadblocks to Recovery

 

  1. Stuck in your past ( you don’t live there anymore)
  2. Being unsafe (you don’t have to test the waters)
  3. Making divorce your identity (divorce isn’t your name)
  4. Numbing pain (drugs, alcohol, sex, work…don’t solve it)
  5. Unnecessary sufferings (pick and choose what works for you)

 

God’s message to you: “the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted…to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion….Isaiah 61:1-3

 

 

WEEK 3- Divorce Recovery

 

In Divorce, there is a lot to be angry about!

 

  1. Betrayal by the one who is closest to you
  2. Hurt by lies
  3. Loss of dreams, plans and possessions
  4. Debt
  5. Loss of Reputation

 

ANGER IS LIKE KUDZU…IT GROWS FAST AND CHOKES OUT EVERYTHING ELSE!

 

Anger

 

  1. Sometimes you should be angry (but do not sin)
  2. When is it appropriate? What is the cause and how can I respond?
  3. It is evaluated by GOD

 

Unhealthy Anger

 

  1. Violence (you can’t kill em, even if you want to)
  2. Suppressing it (suck it in until you pop)
  3. Passive-Aggressive Behavior- (let’s act nice but be mean underneath)
  4. Getting Revenge (isn’t that a TV show???)

 

Healthy Expressions of Anger

 

  1. Release inappropriate control (your spouse didn’t listen to you when you were married and they won’t listen now)
  2. Avoid high conflict situations
  3. Exercise (burn that energy)
  4. Remember that GOD is our model…remember how kind God has been to you.

 

GOD’s message to you: “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the Devil a foothold.” Ephesians 4: 26-27

DivorceTalk #1

Posted in Uncategorized on February 1, 2014 by xybatt

WEEK 1- Divorce Recovery

 

What is happening to me?

 

Effects of Divorce:

 

1)     Emotional instability- “I’m losing my mind”

2)     Shame- “I feel judged”

3)     Low energy- “So tired”

4)     Stress and anxiety- “Wear and tear”

5)     Confusion- “You can’t function”

a)     Why won’t the pain end?

b)    Why do I still love my ex?

c)     Why do I feel relief?

6)     Accepting what is happening isn’t easy

a)     Don’t deny pain

b)    Don’t start a new relationship

c)     Reset expectations

 

GOD’s Message to You- “I am …despised by my neighbors- even my friends are afraid to come near me. When they see me in the streets they run the other way. I am ignored as if I were dead, as if I were a broken pot.” (Psalm 31:11-12 NLT)