Grief Talk #1
Snoopy enjoyed “skating” on his snoopy paws all around the lake….until Lucy took his joy away by stating that he wasn’t really skating because he didn’t have SKATES! His grief was immediately evident.
The Bible is about Life
*in the beginning God created….
*Revelation 22:17 the Spirit and the Bride say “Come”
And a record of death
*first death – Genesis 3:21 innocent blood
*Revelation 22:15- those on the outside
Later we will look at the story of Job (probably next week)
What is loss?
Loss is an event that changes the way things have been
Separation/going on without/missing love/ letting go
Loss can be a big event or a small (other) Examples of loss could be ——————-
Two ways to talk about loss
1. describe different kinds of loss —-from the loss of a pet, a toy, a car, a house, a loved one….
2. discuss the intensity of the loss —how bad is it? Individualized/ different opinions ok
What is grief?
Grief is how people feel about loss
Normal feelings about grief include disappointment, fear, resentment,
fatigue, sadness, confusion and loneliness
Grief is a special emotion because one has to have been blessed to have loss
4 trajectories of grief are expected:
1. Resilience- the ability to experience and overcome loss****the person that it seems that nothing bothers them*****
2. Recovery- A slow, progressive return to adequate function similar to the
pre grief condition *****awful but improves with time and circumstance***
3. Chronic dysfunction- Prolonged suffering and inability to function ***He stopped loving her today***
4. Delayed grief or trauma- Adjustment seems normal at first but distress
and symptoms occur later. ***He just snapped!!!****
Death changes everything!
Examples of Bereavement
- Death of a child including SIDS. Ex: increased stress on the patents, the BLAME GAME, trust issues.
- Suicide Ex: increased guilt, insecurity, no CLOSURE, no final answer.
- Death of a Spouse. Ex: 50-60 years together. Loss of life as you know it. Loss of support system. Who cooks, drives, pays the bills??? -OR-
Sudden death in a young relationship ie: cheated out of so much!
- Death of a Parent. Ex: loss of role model (very acute in teens)
- Death of a Sibling. Ex: loss of best friend or confidant
- Loss during Childhood Ex: the class mate lost to accident
- Loss of a relationship through court action ie: divorce, custody..
Other sources of grief and discouragement include:
Loss of occupation, position, income, lifestyle
Even recreation often leds to grief through gambling, addicitions and mounting debts.
The story of Job.
Job had 10 children and enormous wealth ( Job 1-2)
- the children were all killed in a disaster.
- The wealth was either stolen or destroyed.
- His wife rejected him
- his friends both grieved with him…and caused him additional grief
- He was so miserable he wanted to die (Job 3:1)
- Yet, Job remembered who his redeemer was (Job 19: 25-26)
- His wealth was restored and his loved ones reconciled. (Job 41:11-17
We hope we are supplying valuable information to both those who are grieving and to those who will become encouraging resources.
Five Identities of grievers:
- The Nomads- Unresolved grief and lack of understanding of how the loss has changed them.
- Memorialists- Goal is remember and honor the loved one
- Normalizers- strive to get things back to where they were
- Activists- Help others deal with the pain that they themselves are having.
- Seekers- Adopt religious, philosophical or spiritual beliefs to create meaning in their lives.
Five Stages Theory: Kubler Ross Model
Complicated Grief- prolonged or abnormal grief
Anticipatory Grief- Sadness that proceeds the loss
Postponement of Grief
Stress related to loss/ Change in roles in the family
Support group benefit
Cultural Diversity in grief
Stoic Culture- Quiet resolve, acknowledgement of loss but little outward display of emotions except sadness. European, southern US.
Wailers- The more outward crying the more resolution. Middle East and Afican culture. Jewish culture- paid mourners, think new Orleans and the paid funeral procession mourners.
The Talkers- Far East- story telling and honoring of the dead
Examples: the family who took pictures with the loved one
The GHOST sister (Norman Miller story)
The fights over belongings
The BIG FUNERAL