“From a Woman’s Point of View”—University Church of Christ, Mobile, AL—written by Cindy Wright Phillips
I was honored this past week to take a flight in a small plane with my son as the pilot. There were mixed emotions ranging from excitement to nervousness to admiration that my son achieved his dreams of becoming a pilot. As we prepared for takeoff, the nervousness subsided and I began thinking not fear but how God is in control of all of life’s moments. The view of the land, the water and all of God’s creation was breathtaking.
A day later as a home care nurse, I sat and held the hand of my dying patient’s husband. Decisions were made to wean her off the ventilator and medications keeping her alive. Unable to breathe on her own and with indication of worsening lab values and increased infection, tonight her heart will stop not being resuscitated per her wishes.
In the blink of an eye and after seeing her suffer for many years, the fear of dying will subside and she will no longer be in pain. Fifty nine years they were devoted to each other and 59 years God was the center of their marriage. We never know when death may come. God is in control of all of life’s moments. Oh, what a breathtaking view Heaven will be!
Revelation 21:4 “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
The Soul Mate may not be a singular person who you hope to find, much like a needle and in a haystack. I salute the many who find a good person and stick with them through better and worse, thick and thin…..with God (Father, Son and Spirit) guiding, leading and comforting along the way.
Peace and prayers!
Ahh, yes. The Soul Mate! Many are seeking that ONE perfect person and few have found them. I thought I would share a few scenarios for our thought and look at what the Bible tells you to do about love…..
- Ricky, a married 54 year old man, answered my question about a soul mate. “Well, the ‘LOVE of MY LIFE’, was Lucy, a zany, sexy, smart, strong and beautiful woman”. She left me for another woman and broke my heart. I married Ethel, a sweet girl who has been a faithful and patient wife for 20 years…..GO for reliable and dependable.
- Teri, a forty something mom of 5 met her prince charming on vacation. He WAS HOTTER than Brad Pitt. I was blown away. “Never been so emotionally unstable in all my life”. He walked away. I met my husband soon after and he IS a ROCK. Good Christian man, good father, good provider.
- Sam met Diane when he was a young military guy. Mysterious and alluring, Diane led him to bed, marriage, heartaches after affairs and a painful divorce; all in a year and a half. Almost destroyed him. He had compromised his Christian beliefs (even though she was a church member in a conservative church). It took years to get past it all but he met someone “faithful”, Marianne, and is secure in their relationship.
- Billy couldn’t take his eyes off his Uptown Girl. He wasn’t the handsomest man and she was the bomb! Gorgeous, rich and the apple of everyone’s eye. Everyone’s. She didn’t stay long.
- Abby just wanted a family. This country girl married the macho workaholic. He couldn’t wait to marry her and take her away. Now she sits in the house talking to a three year old and he seldom comes home. When he does, he is “too tired” to talk or take her “out”.
What does the Bible tell us about SOUL MATES? Nothing? Well, not exactly…..there is one instant.
- Genesis 2:23 “This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh, she shall be called woman because she was taken out of man”. Yep, Adam and Eve were truly SOUL MATES! But, as the story tells us, it wasn’t a perfect relationship.
- Genesis 24:1-4 Abraham so wanted his son to have a good wife that he entrusted a servant to find one. Would we take “guidance” like that from family and friends?
- 2 Samuel 11 David and Bathsheeba. Many would point this relationship as one “destined” to be. God doesn’t give you someone else’s spouse as a SOUL MATE.
- Matthew 1:18-19 Joseph was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace. (compassionate and caring).
- 1 Corinthians 7:9 It is better to marry than to burn
- 1 Corinthians 7: 28 if you marry, you have not sinned
- Ephesians 5: 31 the two will become one flesh….
My conclusion is this. As the Bible says, If you are content, then don’t get married. Spouses distract, demand and disagree. Good ones! The bad ones will wreck your lives. But if you need to be married, get married. Think reliable and dependable like Maytag or Toyota! If you marry a Corvette you will have to deal with constant maintenance.
GOD loves you all the time!
The notion of “soul mates” has been around a very, very long time.
However, there are several viewpoints as to how to describe “soul mates” … even on how to spell it! Some people spell the term as a whole word, soulmate and others, including us, prefer to keep it as two words, soul mate.
Soul Mate Descriptions
- General Belief: Many people believe that soul mates can accept and love every part of the other’s personality and that life with a soul mate is easy and natural.
- Our Belief: We don’t believe a soul mate is the “ideal or one and only person” in someone’s life. Our definition of soul mates is individuals who both want their marriage to be a great one. Their marriage relationship feels like a natural fit. Although they, like all married couples, need to put a priority on their marriage, it is not hard to do because they have a sense of being at ease and connected with one another.
Soul Mate Challenges
If you believe in the myth of only one soul mate for each person, you may assume that a partnership of two soul mates should be able to handle challenging times easily. That may not always be the case.
Just because you are in tune to one another, each of you are willing to take responsibility for your role in contributing to the conflict, and are both committed to making the marriage a successful one — your marriage can still fall apart if other essentials such as love, respect, and communication are missing.
If you start looking for perfection in your spouse, or think that everything in your relationship should immediately click, and that there won’t be any problems, you are setting yourself up for a dose of heavy disillusionment.
Another danger in believing in the concept of soul mates is taking your marriage relationship for granted.
There can be temptation to bail out of an unhappy marriage if you think your spouse isn’t your soul mate. If you think that marriage to your soul mate will mean a life free from hard times and conflict, you are not facing reality.
If you think you’ve not married your soul mate, don’t just walk away from the relationship for that reason alone. Spend some time getting to know yourself a bit better first. You can’t find your perceived soul mate if you haven’t found yourself first.
More Soul Mate Descriptions
- Reincarnation: Some believe that a soul mate is someone with whom a person has shared other life times through reincarnation. The soul mate could be a friend, business partner, parent, child, sibling, spouse or other family member. These soul mates can be of the same or opposite sex.
- Other Half: Others believe, like the ancient Greek philosopher Plato, that a soul mate is a person’s “other half”. This concept was the basis of the movie, The Butcher’s Wife where the idea of “split-aparts” searching for one another was explored. People all over the world believe that we are all searching for someone to make us whole and to share our journey of life with.
- A dictionary definition is: “One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity. Someone for whom you have a deep affinity. A person temperamentally suited to another.”
- Predestination: The movie Still Breathing examines the thought that people are drawn together as soul mates by destiny or fate and that being with our soul mate is something we have no control over. This idea of predestination and connection even after death between soul mates was also examined in the movie What Dreams May Come.
- Making Life Come to Life: Richard Bach described soul mates as “A soulmate is someone who has the locks to fit our keys, and the keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we; we can be loved for who we are and for who we’re pretending to be. Each of us unveils the best part of one another. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person were safe in our paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life. “
- Profound Connection: Thomas Moore, in his book Soul Mates: Honoring the Mysteries of Love and Relationship, page xvii, describes a soul mate as “someone to whom we feel profoundly connected, as though the communication and communing that take place between us were not the product of intentional efforts, but rather a divine grace. This kind of relationship is so important to the soul that many have said there is nothing more precious in life.”
- Not Having Everything in Common: Anna Quindlen wrote “The term ‘soul mate’ — which, I’m proud to say, I have never once used until now — suggests two people who have everything in common. But our gender, with all the differences it implies, divides us. That has its advantages …”
Source: Anna Quindlen. Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake: A Memoir. 2012. pg. 21
Clean cut grooming and respectful clothing and speech might be more likely to make you more employable than seeking out more credentials.
Working for yourself can often pay a lot better than working at a normal job. But you must be disciplined and you need to be flexible.
Hanging Christmas lights can be pretty profitable and so can cleaning leaves out of gutters. Mowing grass with a push mower requires a low investment to buy a push mower and wed eater but I think you should still be able to make $20-30 per hour.
If you have a pickup truck, you could clean rent houses for landlords. If you are handy with fixing things around the house, you can probably make $20-30 per hour to do handyman work.
Being clean cut and acting respectful will probably help you a lot if you wish to work for yourself. You also might need to knock on a lot of doors to find work. I knocked on lots of doors when I was looking for work early on after I started working for myself.
Here is an example of a business card for a man with a truck willing to work!
—-Paul Calvert is a Single Christian man with solutions. I thank him for his article!
We are celebrating this week! We have paid off American Express! This evil credit card has held us hostage for years with the promise of buying power, flexibility and “airline miles”. In return they took high interest and caused more than one anxious moment and conflicted conversation. BEWARE! Credit cards are not your friend!
Interestingly, the Bible has a lot to say about money:
*1 Timothy 6:10—the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil—- “what would you do for money?
- Nehemiah 5:4—we have had to borrow money to pay the king’s taxes—” yeah. Me too.”
- Proverbs 13:11—dishonest money dwindles away—“honest money moves pretty fast too”
- Ecclesiastes 5:10—whosoever loves money never has enough—“never. Just one more dollar said Rockefeller….”
- Matthew 6:24—you cannot serve both God and money—“you gotta serve somebody….”
Here’s the point. We are blessed. God has provided food, clothing and shelter. We have relationships and a support system in the church. We have hope of salvation because God provided and Jesus delivered. We need to manage our money in a way to glorify the Father! Ideas? Here are a few:
*Go on a mission trip. Teach at camp or build a house. Medical missions are good too!
*Tithes and offerings. Your congregation does great things.
*Buy a homeless person lunch. Sit with them and talk.
* Buy groceries for a senior or a college student
*Save for a rainy day!
*Pay off debt!
I am inclined to follow up with more money management. I will ask a friend to be guest commentator. Peace!
We have all seen the movie! Have heard the song! We know the phrase! Happily ever after!
What if my experiences are not happily ever after?
What if I am divorced? A lot of divorce these days. A lot of opinions too! Maybe we got married too soon! Funny, I know a couple that got married the day after they met and they did ok…………. Maybe we waited too long to get married! Oh yeah, I know a couple that married after dating for seven years and they are ok too! Maybe you married the wrong person! Oh, right. Well I married a girl from _(fill in the blank)_Christian College. She was an elder’s daughter. Couldn’t pick much better could I? I am still divorced. Maybe you were the problem since you married the right person. Hmmm! No doubt that I made many mistakes in the relationship. I am not willing to take all the blame and responsibility. I feel for the children. They feel abandoned…hurt…angry because we, the grownups, couldn’t get along. Too much pain!
What if my spouse died? Honestly, nobody is prepared for a young widow or widower. Wife dies at 35. Husband grieves but is also lonely. Few peers. Treated different.
What if my CHURCH family is dysfunctional. Honestly, most “churches” are for families 25-45 with children OR full of old people. Churches don’t cater to the unmarried, especially the divorced, young widows or single parents.
*Statistics show that 90% of the divorced quit church attendance and most never return. Their children go with them.
*Statistics show that Churches of Christ are attended by approximately 85% married people even though 51% of the population is single. Florida is one of the highest concentrations of single believers and one of the lowest attendance states. Florida has ZERO singles ministers in churches of Christ. It seems that we are willing to let our younger unmarried attend a denomination elsewhere or not attend. We will take them after they marry? Poor strategy!
Many issues to address, problems to solve, pain to soothe, compassion to share……………..most of our ministers are willing to tell us how we are going to hell but unwilling to make a difference. We want to love Jesus but need to see it from our church family, from our leaders……………
Love Hurts! But we shouldn’t be all alone with that hurt!
Whether you are 15 or 50, looking for love or a friend or just threading water today, the following can be helpful and hopefully encouraging or amusing:
- Have a life! Have something to do that you are passionate about! Something that keeps you busy, challenges you and will be enough at times when you don’t have someone to share with.
- Spend time with the right person. There are many wonder women and super men out there but they may not share time and space well with you. Find the ones who care about you!
- Pay attention to the details. Red flags, signs from above (or at least friends and family). I have observed many a wonderful person walk past or away from a person with great poetential and chase after a train wreck of a relationship.
- Share your time and interests. Not everything but something. Spending time together is easier if you can do something together that you both enjoy
- Know when to “give space” and also when to fill “space” if your friend isn’t available. Many of the most interesting people are also people who may not be available at all times. That’s ok. Enjoy them when they are home.
Have a blessed day!