Divorce Recovery- Week 8- FINANCIAL SURVIVAL
Financial Survival Tips
- Don’t spend to soothe the pain- the debt will hang around longer than the ex…
- Live within your means- are you humble yet?
- Do things for yourself- like? Cook, clean, wash the car, make coffee….
- Credit cards- Pay what you are responsible for then cut it DOWN…
- Limit legal expenses- honestly, the lawyers are not there to help you…just to spend your money…
- Budget- Get one. Follow it.
- Ask for help
Enter/Reenter the work force
- Time to get a job
- Go to school- Upgrade (especially if you don’t have children)
- Parenting vs. Providing (divorce should INCREASE parental responsibility!)
- Child support- there is NO REASON not to pay support. If you are receiving, this money is to benefit the children (time to put them first!)
“and my GOD will meet your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus” Phillippians 4:19
Unfortunately, with more divorce in our society, many children have a parent who is working both nights and weekends. Healthcare is run and maintained on the backs of single parents (mostly mothers) who work nights and weekends. Non- custodial fathers should be available to help with their children when possible and church leaders are needed as mentors and father figures. The modern day widows and orphans are frequently in single parent homes.
- Existing Relationships have changed: in-laws are outlaws. Friends have chosen sides or run away. Couples treat you like a threat (why?).
- You feel shame for failure (and others will help you feel miserable)
- Healing takes time and time helps avoid mistakes
Can I Date?
- Is the divorce final?
- NO: you are married. You cannot date.
- YES: You are FREE! Why “date”?
- YOU are FREE! Take time to enjoy your independence……THEN
- AM I FINISHED with the relationship with the EX? No chance of
Reconciliation…not sitting around wishing I were there….not planning
Mayhem or murder (lol).
- NO: Consider counseling and reconciliation.
- YES: No more ex
- Is my relationship with Jesus complete?
- NO: date Jesus awhile. Time to serve at the soup kitchen, visit the sick
And lonely at the hospital. Pray. Fast. Meditate. Sing.
- YES: Continue all of the above and do a PERSONAL INVENTORY
What do I have to offer?
- Are my finances in order?
- What about children? Are they secure and protected?
- Am I working and doing my best there?
- Is my “church life” healthy?
- Do I want to date because I NEED something or because I have a lot to offer?
Can men and women “just be friends”
- Watch “When Harry Met Sally”. Billy Crystal will tell you………..
- NO. Sexual tension will always be there
- You can become attached even if you don’t want to keep them
The GRAND FINALE!!!!
LEARN FROM DIVORCE
DON’T TAKE ON TOO MUCH RESPONSIBILITY TOO FAST
DATE GOD. HE IS FORGIVING.
“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all of this through Jesus Christ who gives me strength (Phillippians 4:12-13)
Divorce Notes Week 5
FACING MY LONELINESS
It is almost impossible to explain how devastating the loneliness of divorce is……….
What is loneliness? ….Nobody Understands
Rejection by the Ex ….Traded in?
Rejection by family and friends …you aren’t family anymore!
Isolation …safer to suffer alone
- Self medication
- New Relationship
Dealing with loneliness
- Being single isn’t that bad
- Learn from it (what could I have done better?)
- Make new (safe) friends
- Allow others to be helpful
- It takes humility (don’t be self absorbed)
- Serve others (easy to find someone else who is also in pain)
- Reach out to and learn to know GOD
GOD’s Message to You: “ The LORD is near. Don’t be anxious about anything, but in every situation by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to GOD. And the peace of GOD which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Phillippians 4:5-7
MAKING FOR BETTER TIMES is the work of the Christian man and woman. It is the work of the church (the people). If we want something better for our communities, our nation and our world it is not our governments job, it is not someone’s else’s job, it is our job. What will we do today to make for a better world?
Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time.” (Colossians 4:5, ASV).
We need people to love and love us. We need people to pick us up when we are down and we need to pick up others. The flood relief in Louisiana is a beautiful example of brothers and sisters helping one another. Tornado relief, hurricane relief…..truly beautiful to see the church respond when there is a disaster.
Why do we wait to have a problem to get in gear? Look around! While it might be a beautiful day in your neighborhood, people are hungry and homeless everyday. Somebody you know is going through a separation or divorce. There has been an illness or death in a family. Somebody has lost their job and can’t pay the bills. Parents are struggling with raising their children. Grandparents are sitting in a nursing home alone. A college student is away from home for the first time and trying to fit in.
Ok! Do I have a point? I have two.
#1: Love deeply the people that you have relationship with. Hug the grand children and your parents. Kiss your spouse and children. Spend time with your friends. Go and reunite with relatives. It will be good for you!
#2: At church………….teens need mentors so spend time with them. Learn their music and their language. Play paintball and stop laughing at people who look for pokemon (out loud anyway) and who love Harry Potter. Get to know the why of a subject. Same with seniors. Most of our WW2 vets are gone. Tell the remaining ones thank you for saving our world. Thank all vets for their service, even the ones who struggle with life. If you see a person with an addiction problem, tell them about AA or Celebrate Recovery. If you know someone divorcing, tell them about Divorce Recovery. Send a text or card of encouragement. Make a phone call. Buy a coffee!
Be a family.
Divorce Notes Week 4
FACING MY DEPRESSION
Depression often is manifested as a deep sadness
What is depression?
- our response to loss
- It is normal
- It is a healing emotion
- It is complex
Symptoms of depression
- Desire to isolate
- Mental fog
- Lack of energy
- Suicidal thoughts
- Hope deferred
- Feeling worthless
- Take care of your body (use of antidepressants and counseling may
- Get/accept help from others
- Control your thinking/ meditation can be helpful
- Discover the Bible/ Read scripture
GOD’s Message to You: “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned: struck down but not destroyed.” 2 Corinthians 4:8-9
WEEK 3- Divorce Recovery
In Divorce, there is a lot to be angry about!
- Betrayal by the one who is closest to you
- Hurt by lies
- Loss of dreams, plans and possessions
- Loss of Reputation
ANGER IS LIKE KUDZU…IT GROWS FAST AND CHOKES OUT EVERYTHING ELSE!
- Sometimes you should be angry (but do not sin)
- When is it appropriate? What is the cause and how can I respond?
- It is evaluated by GOD
- Violence (you can’t kill em, even if you want to)
- Suppressing it (suck it in until you pop)
- Passive-Aggressive Behavior- (let’s act nice but be mean underneath)
- Getting Revenge (isn’t that a TV show???)
Healthy Expressions of Anger
- Release inappropriate control (your spouse didn’t listen to you when you were married and they won’t listen now)
- Avoid high conflict situations
- Exercise (burn that energy)
- Remember that GOD is our model…remember how kind God has been to you.
GOD’s message to you: “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the Devil a foothold.” Ephesians 4: 26-27