Goood stuff. hard to read . Too pink
Traits of Attraction (the Lure)
“It is the same in love as in war” -Marguerite de Valois
Men, thing about hunting or fishing. How do you attract (or lure) the game to you. You have to have the right bait. Works the same when you are meeting and women. You must be attractive! Not just the shallow “big muscles, glib tongue” but depth that a good woman can hold on to. Let’s talk about it.
• Mental strength- a women wants someone to talk to. She wants you to be sharp enough to understand where she is coming from (yes, I know we don’t really understand women) and stimulating enough to keep her going.
• Social strength- women are attracted to men who impress a room. Period. If you are the alpha male at the party, she notices. She will notice if you have friends and relationships.
• Strength of character- A woman wants to know that you can lead. She needs a man who can make good decisions for the relationship. Who will do what is right over what he wants. The key is do what is right. Not always what she wants. It is attractive when you are the person she met and you don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater just to please her every whim. Plus, she will know when you have given up the things you want to keep her content. And she won’t like it. Nobody wants a milk toast man.
• Loyalty- If you are loyal to your friends and family, she will want to be first one then the other. A good Christian woman wants to see loyalty to God and family. She will know that if you are not respectful to your mama or your sisters, you can’t be respectful to her.
• Fearlessness- A double edged sword that can get you hurt but…your woman wants you to protect her. You are to meet the home invader at the door. Find and vanquish the spider or snake in the garage. Negotiate with the car dealer. This is why women are attracted to policemen and firemen. Step up. Use your BRAIN and figure out a good ending but STEP UP.
In summary, use your brain and social skills, show some backbone and be a
“the good fighters of old put themselves beyond the possibility of defeat” –Sun Tzu
The Approach – You have to know when and how to approach a good woman!
• Body language- Check your posture. Stand up straight. Your ace should look calm, cool, collected. Happy to be alive.
• Respect personal space. Don’t intimidate. Don’t stand over a person . Don’t be overbearing. Just be the nicest person she ever met.
• Have an opener. If you want to talk to someone, have something to talk about. Nothing lame! Ask her opinion about……
• Tell a story. If she is from Tulsa, tell about something that happened to you in Wichita, Lincoln, anywhere.
• Small talk doesn’t have to be small. Be fun. Give info. Make her happy.
• Don’t whine about work, complain about church or find fault with her ball team. Be positive.
The Art of War for Dating
(Dating from a male perspective- week 1)
“Most of us are pawns in a game of love we don’t understand” -Leo Buscalia
“You have to learn the rules of the game and play better than anyone else” –Albert Einstein
“Love and War are the same thing, and stratagems and policies are the same in the one as in the other” –Miguel Di Cervantes (author of Don Quixote)
History’s most influential thinkers have built philosophies around it. The greatest writers have devoted books to it. Poets have penned sonnets to honor it. Even Pat Benatar sang about it!
If you haven’t figured out that dating is like war, let me hit you with some shock and awe. It is a strategic battle of sexes and frequently it resembles the presidential election. Nobody wins. This battle has been raging since Eve dropped the “Adam Bomb” , that apple! It has been contentious every since.
Women like “romance”, intrigue and suspense. They want a man to be tall, dark and handsome. More importantly, they want a man with a roll of cash and a willingness to please! And they find those men daily…..in the romance novels. Real men aren’t like that. Men struggle with work, emotions, cash and believing in themselves. And many are neither tall or handsome.
Men want someone to share life with. Someone to admire them, play with them and appreciate the sweat of their labor. They don’t want to change anything…activity, attitude, clothes. We like our women too. Christy Brinkley, Daisy Duke, the Cowboys cheerleaders…..yep…we know the women in our lives aren’t like that but …..
Dating is complicated. A lot of rules to follow:
*friend law- cover your friend’s back, don’t talk bad about your friend’s love interest, don’t fight over the same person
*reality- too tall, short, rich, poor, old, young…..
Let’s learn to relate with the opposite sex in a manner pleasing to God. Until next week boys and girls, get a haircut and change your socks. Can’t go wrong!
Preparing for War (Week 2-Dating from a male perspective)
“We owe to the middle ages the two worse inventions of humanity- romantic love and gunpowder”-Andre Maurois
Why do soldiers go to basic training? To learn to march in unison? One body in action? Teamwork? Stamina? To finely tune the body into a killing machine?
Really? Shows that we don’t know much about the military. Basic training is for the MIND! If a person’s mind can be retrained, that person can walk 25 miles with a pack in the back. The motivated mind will drag the resistant body through the woods for hours AND help others to do the same. The mind will allow the besieged body to sleep soundly in a tent the size of a child’s wagon. The brain will calibrate with others to allow a company of soldiers to coordinate and march in a parade. The brain will put the needs of another before your own hunger and thirst. It will allow you to push your body for one more mile or one more push up. It’s all about controlling the brain!
Brainwashing? How will that help the Christian to date?
Here’s my answer! What you are doing isn’t working! Time to change strategies. Think about Issac. His dad, Abraham, sent a servant to find a nice “wife candidate” for him. If he had the attitude of most, he might have blown off Rebecca as a peasant farm girl and continued to live his lonmely life. But he gave it a shot! And the story was written.
So, here’s to thinking new thoughts and trying new approaches…..
Myth #1 dispelled: What women want isn’t what they want. Surveys say that women were asked what is the most attractive trait that a man possesses. The answer? A good sense of humor! Ask them. They will tell you. A good sense of humor. Also, caring and sensitive, listens to what I say, kind to dogs (or cats). Oh, and maybe taller than them…So why aren’t these guys racking up on dates? Because what women say they want isn’t necessarily what they are attracted to. A big difference! So, you have to attract them first, then listen to them, have a sense of humor and like their cat…Hmmm!
So, here’s how to “attract” them first. Get out there!
*Be available! Good marketers know that 4% of the general public is interested in a given item. So, ask 100 girls out and 4 (4!) might have an interest in you. FOUR! Interested! Less are intrigued. So, sitting on the couch waiting won’t work.
*Be entertaining. DON”T be an entertainer. The difference? It is great to be amusing. Bad to laughed at….Go to the party but don’t BE the party. Got it?
*Learn to compliment without expectation. You might say, “the sunglasses frame your face in a way that is very attractive” or “you have the nicest smile” Then walk away. Don’t ask for a phone # or e-mail. Just hit and run. Practice awhile. “Nice dress”, “you remind me of Veronica Lake, the star” or “you made my day”. Here is the key. After awhile, you will enjoy approaching to compliment so much that you will be irresistible.
Remember, it’s the mind that is retrained in Basic training!
What a joy to see all of you at the Spiritual Growth Workshop!
We have accomplished many things over the years. We are still educating our leadership on the needs of the single Christian. I want to thank Lance Morgan for his assistance introducing our class to various singles: the educated minority male, the never married middle age woman, single parents, the vocational young adult, the widowed too early and those livng today for for financial reasons….We feel that all should be welcomed to church. GOD loves each as they come to him. With time, he will expect progress and improvement.
The class about divorce/ grief recovery went well. There is so much pain and suffering related to both. Our responsibility as the church is to be a shoulder to cry on, an encourager to build others up and someone to share little victories as well as the pain of failure. We are family!
“The Dating Game” was a chance to teach and infuse humor as we explore the enigma of dating. GOD didn’t tell us to date….just to either enjoy singleness or to find a mate in marriage if needed. So…be careful as you explore computer dating, speed dating or blind dating.
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(MATTHEW MORROW is a Christian man and a guest Blogger. See what he can do to help you..)
YOU GOT THE CHURCH OF CHRIST SINGLES.COM, CHURCHES-OFCHRIST-SINGLES.NET, CHRISTIAN MINGLE, E- HARMONY, MATCH.COM, FISH IN A BARREL AND JANITOR IN A DRUM…………….
Silbano Garcia, Church of Christ minister and the founder of churches-of-christ.org states that computer dating can be very safe and deliberate and it enables you to meet people you would not have met otherwise. Many good marriages have happened because of each of the (legitimate) services above. He recommends you ask lots of questions, ask the church where the person attends for personal refernces and visit to go to church. Hazards include…they lied….they don’t look like that…while they attend church, they may not be seeking Jesus……..Be careful!
The Dating Game! Really? You remember the cheesy host, the guest single and the 3 suitors. The bachelor asked each bachlorette (or vise versa) questions and chose a date sight unseen…….Incidently both Billy Crystal and Jay Leno were guests early in their careers…NOBODY would date this way would they?
You might be surprised by the christian dating show ************where the congregation helps the single find a mate. Goodness! What do you think about that. Would you want your preacher or the sister on row 4 to set you up?
What does the BIBLE say about dating? hmmmmmm….strangely silent………..
Now, in the beginning God saw that it wasn’t good for man to be alone so he produced Eve and Adam was ….overwhelmed….I think he said, “Kazinga!” Do you wonder if He might help in your search for a mate?
Now, we know that Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for his son Isaac (Rebekkah). Would you want your parents to choose your spouse? Still happens in many countries……..low divorce rate too.
Jacob chose his own wife. He was in love with Rachel. But, he got more than he bargained for. You remember that he got TWO wives and 2 additional mistresses for only 14 years of hard labor.
Unfortunately, David’s method of finding women most resemble the modern times. He laid out of work, was a peeping Tom, lured and seduced a married woman and tried to get off scott free…..Oh yeah! And he was already married and had neglected at least one wife….
Ah…but his son Soloman was the romantic. Shoulda been. With 700 wives and 300 porcupines, he should have known women. I like where he told her she was pretty because her teeth matched……………..
Of course, we can go to 1 Corinthians 7 for lots of info on marriage, divorce, etc. If you are burning with temptation, get married….So, why isn’t it that easy?