The Art of War for Dating
(Dating from a male perspective- week 1)
“Most of us are pawns in a game of love we don’t understand” -Leo Buscalia
“You have to learn the rules of the game and play better than anyone else” –Albert Einstein
“Love and War are the same thing, and stratagems and policies are the same in the one as in the other” –Miguel Di Cervantes (author of Don Quixote)
History’s most influential thinkers have built philosophies around it. The greatest writers have devoted books to it. Poets have penned sonnets to honor it. Even Pat Benatar sang about it!
If you haven’t figured out that dating is like war, let me hit you with some shock and awe. It is a strategic battle of sexes and frequently it resembles the presidential election. Nobody wins. This battle has been raging since Eve dropped the “Adam Bomb” , that apple! It has been contentious every since.
Women like “romance”, intrigue and suspense. They want a man to be tall, dark and handsome. More importantly, they want a man with a roll of cash and a willingness to please! And they find those men daily…..in the romance novels. Real men aren’t like that. Men struggle with work, emotions, cash and believing in themselves. And many are neither tall or handsome.
Men want someone to share life with. Someone to admire them, play with them and appreciate the sweat of their labor. They don’t want to change anything…activity, attitude, clothes. We like our women too. Christy Brinkley, Daisy Duke, the Cowboys cheerleaders…..yep…we know the women in our lives aren’t like that but …..
Dating is complicated. A lot of rules to follow:
*friend law- cover your friend’s back, don’t talk bad about your friend’s love interest, don’t fight over the same person
*reality- too tall, short, rich, poor, old, young…..
Let’s learn to relate with the opposite sex in a manner pleasing to God. Until next week boys and girls, get a haircut and change your socks. Can’t go wrong!
Preparing for War (Week 2-Dating from a male perspective)
“We owe to the middle ages the two worse inventions of humanity- romantic love and gunpowder”-Andre Maurois
Why do soldiers go to basic training? To learn to march in unison? One body in action? Teamwork? Stamina? To finely tune the body into a killing machine?
Really? Shows that we don’t know much about the military. Basic training is for the MIND! If a person’s mind can be retrained, that person can walk 25 miles with a pack in the back. The motivated mind will drag the resistant body through the woods for hours AND help others to do the same. The mind will allow the besieged body to sleep soundly in a tent the size of a child’s wagon. The brain will calibrate with others to allow a company of soldiers to coordinate and march in a parade. The brain will put the needs of another before your own hunger and thirst. It will allow you to push your body for one more mile or one more push up. It’s all about controlling the brain!
Brainwashing? How will that help the Christian to date?
Here’s my answer! What you are doing isn’t working! Time to change strategies. Think about Issac. His dad, Abraham, sent a servant to find a nice “wife candidate” for him. If he had the attitude of most, he might have blown off Rebecca as a peasant farm girl and continued to live his lonmely life. But he gave it a shot! And the story was written.
So, here’s to thinking new thoughts and trying new approaches…..
Myth #1 dispelled: What women want isn’t what they want. Surveys say that women were asked what is the most attractive trait that a man possesses. The answer? A good sense of humor! Ask them. They will tell you. A good sense of humor. Also, caring and sensitive, listens to what I say, kind to dogs (or cats). Oh, and maybe taller than them…So why aren’t these guys racking up on dates? Because what women say they want isn’t necessarily what they are attracted to. A big difference! So, you have to attract them first, then listen to them, have a sense of humor and like their cat…Hmmm!
So, here’s how to “attract” them first. Get out there!
*Be available! Good marketers know that 4% of the general public is interested in a given item. So, ask 100 girls out and 4 (4!) might have an interest in you. FOUR! Interested! Less are intrigued. So, sitting on the couch waiting won’t work.
*Be entertaining. DON”T be an entertainer. The difference? It is great to be amusing. Bad to laughed at….Go to the party but don’t BE the party. Got it?
*Learn to compliment without expectation. You might say, “the sunglasses frame your face in a way that is very attractive” or “you have the nicest smile” Then walk away. Don’t ask for a phone # or e-mail. Just hit and run. Practice awhile. “Nice dress”, “you remind me of Veronica Lake, the star” or “you made my day”. Here is the key. After awhile, you will enjoy approaching to compliment so much that you will be irresistible.
Remember, it’s the mind that is retrained in Basic training!